Finding my inner Ginny Weasley

You know that feeling you get after reading a really great book or seeing a really great movie? I'm so there. I got the new HP on Saturday morning, and finished it last night. There wasn't as much whimsical detail in this edition as in, say, it's predecessor. And I missed that whimsy a bit. But I really love where J.K. Rowling is going with the theme and the series. The theme, it seems to me, is that no matter how gifted and talented you are, life is only worth living if you do it with great meaning. That means surrounding yourself with family and friends who become like family. That means daring to love deeply, difficultly, and totally, especially in the face of great danger or evil. It means living with courage and purpose. Living through fear and setbacks, not in them. It means being who you are at your core, not who you think other people want you to be. And it means recognizing that you are just a small part of something much greater, a story much bigger, than any one person.

Which brings me back to the title of the post, finding my inner Ginny Weasley. I love the Ginny Weasley character. She's been my favorite HP character since she was first introduced. She always reminded me a little of me as a kid. And in this book she does even more. This past year in CR has been a tough one, but for me it's also been one huge reminder of who I am at my core. Somewhere in my early 20s (right about the time my grandmother died and I lived for a semester in Berlin) I lost sight of who I am at my core. I tried, for the first time in my life, to be someone I'm not. And it cost me dearly. For almost my entire 20s, this voice in my head said that who I am isn't (hypen) enough. Good-enough, strong-enough, smart-enough, sexy-enough, funny-enough, friendly-enough, loving-enough, rich-enough, ethical-enough, savy-enough, cynical-enough, pretty-enough, enough, enough, enough. But here, despite all of my complaining, all of my difficulties, all of it, I finally had time to see myself again. To see my core. To realize that the spunk, the fire, the courage I admire in the Ginny Weasley character has been in me all along. It is who I am. And I do a great disservice to myself and the world when I pretend that passion to learn more, to understand more, to adventure, to travel, to experience, to love, to care, and to be fiercely myself is not who I am. I've learned here that this is who I am to a fault. It's who I always will be at my core. In essence, this year has been about finding and embracing the girl I once was.

Something that the character Harry Potter said at the end of this latest book really struck me. He said (and I'm paraphrasing here) there is a difference between feeling like you're being dragged along to your destiny and making the conscious effort to seek out your destiny. It's a matter of attitude. Since my early 20s I've been feeling very much dragged toward my future. Like tin cans tied behind the bride and groom's car at a wedding, I felt like I was being dragged forward at top speed, and complained loudly at every turn. It seemed that I was so close to something wonderful, I could nearly touch it, and yet, it was constantly speeding out of my reach. Down here, suddenly, my life slowed down. I was able to boil my life down to the essentials. When you live so far away, in a place so unfamiliar, with constant challenges assaulting you, what is most important? Love, health, freedom. In that order.

Love is most important. God is love, people are love. Time spent talking with people is love. It is equally important to give and receive love. Both acts are great gifts.

Health is next important. You do not need to be healthy to give and receive love. But health enhances your ability to love. To touch, to listen, to dance, to learn, to pray, and to travel. Physical, emotional, and spiritual health are all of equal importance. They depend on one another.

Freedom is the final most important. You do not need to be free to be healthy or to love. But freedom enhances the ability to do both. I do not mean freedom in the political sense. I mean freedom from fear, freedom from violence, freedom of thought, freedom of time, freedom from duty. In essence, freedom of will. This type of freedom is our hope.

In this year, I've discovered their great importance as I've felt myself, or watched others, be deprived of these essential things. And I know now, that this is my passion. This is what I have to start working towards. This is why I was brought here. And this is how I want to live when I leave.